Husband with Extraordinary Career Adds ‘Caregiver’ to His Repertoire

Love helps Dr. Jonathan Weaver to get it all done

By Hazel Trice Edney

(TriceEdneyWire.com) – Pamela Lynne Fredericks and Jonathan Weaver were college students when they first met briefly at a business conference in New York City. She was an economics student at Morgan State University. And he was a first year MBA student at the Harvard School of Business. 

He thought that maybe; just maybe he would see her again. Sure enough, a few months later, they met again at a different business conference in Atlanta. Her being from Baltimore and him from Rockville, Maryland, their first date was dinner at a Waterfront restaurant in Washington, DC. The love story had begun.

Now married 43 years with two daughters, four grandchildren and a great grandchild, Pamela and Jonathan are living through a season that no one could have anticipated. Following her successful career as a media specialist for 25 years in the Prince George’s County, Maryland School system and amidst his exemplary career as a pastor, humanitarian, and businessman extraordinaire, she has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease, the most common form of dementia, characterized by progressive memory loss and cognitive decline.

With all of his other titles and responsibilities in tow, he has assumed yet a new role – caregiver. It is a position and responsibility that has given many others pause. But despite the trying moments, he is pressing into it with love for his Pamela.

“I’m my wife’s husband. And I’m doing what my heart and my mind tell me to do,” he says in an interview. Ordinarily, that is what a spouse would be expected to say. But nothing about Jonathan Weaver’s life is ordinary.

Currently, the Rev. Dr. Jonathan Weaver, former pastor for 35 years at Greater Mount Nebo AME Church, oversees 40 congregations as a presiding elder in the African Methodist Episcopal (AME) Church. Among his other major positions, he is chairman of Industrial Bank, a Black-owned bank with nine branches in DC, Maryland, New Jersey and New York.

In Goma, a city in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, local AME church leaders named a school after him because of his leadership in providing medical care to more than 30,000 Africans during missions trips as pastor of Greater Mt. Nebo. The Weaver Primary and Secondary School, which started with 86 students in 2015, now has 1,290 children – all of whom are orphans, the children of rape survivors or the children of refugees. In addition, he is a board member of Mercy Ships, a floating hospital in Africa. And he is founder/president of the Pan African Collective, a group of faith-based organizations that heighten, discuss and engage in the awareness of issues affecting Africa.

The obvious question for Dr. Weaver is “How do you do it?”

He responds honestly, “Oh God…To say it is a challenge would be an understatement. I must say that I am so grateful on several scores. Because of my 35-years at Greater Mount Nebo, I have relationships – not of course formal anymore as their pastor – but there are members of the church who became very well connected to Sister Pamela.”

Friends and church members offer to help care for her as he travels, attends and hosts conferences and even recently conducted a wedding abroad. They also help with chores at home. “Sister Pamela,” as he calls her, is also tended by a professional caregiver, who is with her round the clock when necessary. Both of their daughters are also involved in her care.

But he is the primary caregiver. And he makes it clear that he wants his wife to stay at home rather than be institutionalized. “I was adamant that as long as I can, I want my wife to remain in a place of familiarity, starting with her husband and in the home where we have lived the last 17 years.”

As the disease has progressed, their lives have changed astronomically. She is no longer able to cook for her husband; nor do household chores.

One of their greatest joys in marriage was intimate conversations about important issues. It was during those conversations that Jonathan began noticing a difference in Pamela. About five years ago, he said, “I would share things with her but then it didn’t take long before she didn’t remember what we talked about.”

They went for testing at the Washington Hospital Center. “The doctor said it wasn’t hearing loss but ‘a lack of comprehending what you’re saying.’ That was the first indication that something was not quite right.”

The couple followed up at the neurological section of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Maryland. “And that’s when they detected and earmarked it as the beginning signs of dementia. They also made it very clear that it was the beginning signs of Alzheimer’s.”

Despite the “progression that’s taken hold,” there are still sweet moments that they share. One of the greatest fears held by loved ones of Alzheimer’s patients is that the patient will forget who they are. Recently arriving home from Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Jonathan could see Pamela and her caregiver inside the house looking out the window. “And when I got out of the car, and I saw them in the window and I just sort of acted crazy and animated and just started waving and Pamela just put a great big smile on her face. So, she knows….” He smiled with certainty that she hasn’t forgotten who he is.

He tells another heart-touching story that caused him to chuckle. They both went to see their cardiologist recently “And I asked is it okay for Pamela to join me while I’m on the examiner’s table for my electrocardiogram and they said sure.” He recalls, “The lady put those little things on my chest for the EKG and Pamela was sitting maybe about four or five feet away. And so, the lady turned up the machine and she was doing her little procedure. And then Pamela stood up and she started approaching the examination table and myself of course.”

The medical technician, noticing Pamela approaching, let her know, “‘I’m just about finished.’” What happened next melted his heart. The technician “took those devices off of my chest and Pamela bent over and kissed me on my chest.”

In his mind, he perceived that Pamela was saying without words, “‘Now I don’t know what this woman was doing. But I want her to know that this man belongs to me. That’s the way I read it. That’s the way I interpreted it,” he said with a chuckle. That was only about three months ago.

After ministering to thousands of people over the years, Pastor Jonathan Weaver has now learned new lessons about love, faith and caregiving, lessons that he readily shares with others. The following are just a few of his tips:

• Be sure to take care of yourself: “One of the challenges that I face – and I’m just trying to do better about it – is this issue of self-care,” he says. He’s starting to catch up on his daily exercise. “And I’ll have to ask the homecare specialist to come on certain days in order to give me a little more time to do some other things or make a quick run.”

• Care for your mental as well as your physical health: “I recognize yes, I’m a man of faith and I know that God can do anything. But again I think it’s also important when it comes to this disease there are certain realities in terms of the progression. So, I’ve not lived my life wallowing in some pool of depression, but I value each day that I have. I tell people all the time that I live in the state of Maryland, but I do not want to live in the state of regret,” he says. “Again, I’m clear that my strength is not of my own. I mean that quite honestly. I would not be able to do it if I thought that I was doing it under human strength. So, the verse I just keep appropriating is Isaiah Chapter 26:3, ‘He will keep you in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him.’”

• Some people have found support groups to be a major help:. “I haven’t done that only because my circle of people have been extremely helpful.”

• It helps to learn as much about the disease as possible:. One of the books he strongly recommends is titled, “The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People Who Have Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss.” It is a “great, great book” compiled by people at Johns Hopkins.

• Spend time with your loved one: “I just make sure that we go out of the house on a daily basis; even on small errands like to the post office or to the bank.” He also takes her with him to meetings when she’s physically able. He doesn’t try to hide her condition from others. He is honest with friends who ask how she is doing. “And I’m not sharing that because I’m looking for any kind of pat on the back…You just never know who else might be going through the same thing,” he says. “It’s been a blessing to me to be able to have people to call just to say Rev. Weaver, or Jonathan or cousin, I just want to check into how you’re doing. That’s been a major, major encouragement.”

After 43 years of marriage, Pastor Weaver is now 74 years old and Pamela is 73. But their love has not waned. And he is cognizant of appreciating the preciousness of each day. Not only each day moving forward, but also memories and experiences. He smiles when he talks about how he still loves to sing to his Pamela. One favorite is the popular 1970s hit song, “Always and Forever,” by Heatwave.

But he has also written a song; especially for her, which readily flows from his heart:

You are indeed the love of my life

And no doubt my closest friend

After walking with you for all these years

I would marry you all over again.

When I think of you it makes me smile

Yes, our love will never end.

When I think of how you’ve blessed my life

I would marry you all over again.

This feature story is part of a two-part series powered by AARP for caregivers’ education. For more information, click here.